Sergio

Sergio, 31, is a freelance arts producer, songwriter, a versatile pop band member (guitarist, drummer, lead vocalist), and a secondary music schoolteacher. He was born in another Latin American country. Before migrating to Costa Rica, he encountered a stimulating environment in the social gatherings organized at home by his parents, which made him feel he was “a magical child”. His father was an author/philosopher, and his mother, a psychologist. This child made up his own stories and played out fantastic adventures with his only sister. For instance, they would play to record commercial ads and news shows of their own invention on cassette tapes. They structured them like real TV shows, featuring narration, music, songs, and sound effects.

“The magical child” had a musical dream at the age of seven, that to date stands as a landmark in the making of his self-image:

There was darkness all around … it sounded like people [like a clamor], and we were pushed through a hallway, like the backstage of a big concert … I got on stage and it turned out I was playing with a band, I was singing … there were many people. It was a very interesting sensation, because I felt very confident, like I knew the band members for a long time, but didn’t recognize their faces (P4, 1, 1).

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Sergio drew a picture of this dream the next day, and his father still keeps the picture. Sergio considers that this dream reaffirmed his unique relationship with music: “I always knew!” (P4, 1, 1).

Sergio acknowledges today that he saw in music

an instrument or tool to make magic … a way to reach that magical realm of the things I could accomplish … My fantastic reality yielded memories or paths that guided me (P4, 1, 15).

Sergio had migrated with his family to Costa Rica by the time he was in fifth grade. He began attending public school in his new home country, and encountered some discrimination in peer relationships in regard to his dark skin color and non-Costa Rican Spanish accent³⁷:

I had never been mistreated by anybody before, not even in [name of his native country omitted]. I used to have very good friends and was very happy. This contrasted a lot with … school [fifth grade]… and it was very hard, because kids can be very cruel … exclusionary ... they always emphasized that I was an Indio³⁸

… or that I was [racist nickname related to a specific Latin American country, omitted] (P4, 1, 6).

Sergio tried to face this situation by playing the guitar, and writing his own songs. As Sergio entered grade 7, he began to compose his own songs, dreaming about being happy, about love, and being close to a special person, a girlfriend. The figure of a girlfriend was very important at that age. Sergio reflects that:

A romantic ideal … was what made me start to make music, or wanting to find in music that sensation that would help me feel like that … an inspiring sensation … like a void in the chest (P4, 1, 9).

Between ages 14 and 17, Sergio studied in a state-funded conservatory school, associated with a public university. He majored in guitar. He recalls how stressful it was for him to not be able to realize a melodic dictation on paper. He had to take the same sight-singing course several times until he was able to pass it. This experience

37 I do not identify Sergio’s accent to avoid revealing his nationality, which could then reveal his identity.

38 English for “Indian”, meaning Indigenous in a pejorative way.

105 made him wonder if he was good for music. His parents insisted that he practice on a regular basis, and work hard.

Sergio’s classical guitar teacher over several years apparently interpreted Sergio’s mistakes and apparent inability to please his demands, as laziness and lack of care. There were moments when Sergio would not respond or play the way he was supposed to, and the teacher resorted to physical and psychological punishment:

I would set the fingering on the guitar and he would slap my hand and yell at me,

‘No!’ I was (about) 14, and little by little, I began feeling at war with the guitar.

Disappointment was mutual. [One day the teacher came up to me and said],

‘Look, when I wake up on Thursday, I feel uneasy because I have to teach Sergio.’

Some other time he said, ‘You better choose something else. Music is not your strength … I don’t see you having a commitment to music’ (P4, 1, 17-18).

Sergio quit guitar and the conservatory altogether.

Sergio went back to playing the guitar outside of the conservatory setting. He had a pal in secondary school in grade nine, with whom he would explore, improvise, and make songs. Sergio then went on an exchange to a school in the northern United States, the following year. He had a very good time and everyone seemed to be interested in his playing and his songs. The music teacher at that school quickly invited him to join the school jazz band. They even recorded a few of Sergio’s songs, but in particular, a song about a North American girl he fell in love with, during the exchange.

Sergio initiated relationships with young musicians, who for several years made music together, upon his return to Costa Rica. On the year before this study, they recorded their own album as a pop-rock band. Sergio’s songs featured on the album, and he was the producer. To this day, Sergio acknowledges that songwriting is the perfect way to express what he feels.

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