One of the biggest challenges faced by young children in foster care is maintaining at-tachment relationships with their parents. Children and parents need the opportunity to maintain an attachment relationship and develop more positive interactions. However, visits with parents can be upsetting to young children in foster care and disruptive to oth-er aspects of their development (Gean et al. 1985). The majority of young children who visit their biological parents in the parents' home exhibit symptoms (sleep disturbances, aggressive behavior) before, during and/ after those visits (Gean et al. 1985). (Troutman et al. 1998, 3.)
The aim is to support families to cope with the loss caused by taking their children over into care and the related emotions, such as in dealing with guilt, shame, anger and bitter-ness. The task of visiting means to be available for advice, support, inform, and provide practical assistance. Many parents might give up communication with the children in mind, however, they are unable to give up parenthood. This may mean the child's point of view is irrelevant,-it is however, better only when you remain out of the child's life. This is a big misunderstanding and a mistake, as having a child is always irreplaceable. The worst thing for the child is to have to be abandoned by their parents, even if the child is from well-intentioned parents (Virpi Kujala 2003.)
Even when preservation of the family is not possible, preservation of ties and attachments can be in the best interest of the child (Mapp 2002; Palmer 1995). This benefit can exist regardless of the family's ability to provide a permanent home. Several authors have not-ed that a relationship with kin provides a child in foster care with a sense of personal his-tory and identity (Cantos, Gries & Slis 1997; Kools 1997; Littner 1975; McDermott 1987;
Palmer 1995; Salahu-Din & Bollman 1994). Other authors have noted that connection gives youth the chance to form accurate pictures of their families of origin (Fanshel, Finch
& Grundy 1990; Fein, Maluccio & Kluger 1990; Salahu-Din & Bollman 1994). Without accu-rate knowledge of their birth families youth in foster care are hampered in developing
their own senses of identity (Kools 1997; McRoy, Groterant & White 1988). (Pecora &
Haapala 1991, 6.)
Parents should not be left alone after the care order. Parents need support to work on the crisis caused by the taking into care. If the biological parents do not get a chance to go through the grief and the pain caused by the loss of a child, they may be impossible to move forward. Experience has shown that, even if the parents themselves aware of the necessity of taking into care, no sorrow caused by the loss of a child cannot be avoided.
Support for the parents as soon as the crisis and the loss at an early stage can shorten the time for the grief caused by the child and the care and to facilitate the further work with the family (Saarnio 2004.)
Especially the involuntary taking into care social workers are often exposed to aggression and hostility, in which case the customer support and handling of the crisis more difficult.
Far too often contact with parents is reduced or cut off completely when they are in crisis without the support. Crisis support could be at least partly perform other services in such a situation and guide the family, for example, family counseling, adult psychiatry, or in family services. In foster care parents have to face the crisis and the associated emotions and go through them. This means the need for other support. The knowledge that parents are supported to cope with and they get help, is also very important for a child (Saarnio 2004.)
A very small number of parents do not visit their children because they do not care for them. The majority of parents do care, yet some of these parents avoid visiting. Horejsi (1979) explained that avoiding visits is one way parents attempt to cope with the pain of separation. Some parents avoid visits because they worry about upsetting their children. It is important to help these parents understand that an emotionally upsetting visit is less harmful than no visit at all. The longer parents avoid visiting, the harder it is for them to garner enough courage to start regular visiting. Thus the importance for a worker to facili-tate and encourage visiting immediately after placement. This is the time when parents have the highest motivation to visit Horejsi et al. 1981, 15). The parent-child bond is amaz-ingly powerful. Even if the relationship is strained by anger or guilt, its power cannot be
denied or erased. A child in foster care knows he or she has only one set of biological par-ents; the parents never really forget the child. Even when physically separated, they con-tinue to affect each other's feelings and behavior (Ibid 17.)
Nearly every study of foster care suggests a positive relationship between parental visits and a child's successful adjustment in foster care and the likelihood of the child's return to his or her home. Visiting may not create the changes that allow the child to return home, rather visiting may be a manifestation of the parents' desire to be united with their child.
Even if it were possible to force visiting by an uninterested parent, it is unlikely that visit-ing per se would lead to the child's return home. It is durvisit-ing and through a face-to-face visit that parents and child encounter the reality of their situation and come to see more clearly what can and cannot be changed. The reasons for the placement and the separa-tion surface once again; the parents and the child must grapple with their feelings about each other and the future of their relationship. This is not always a pleasant task, but it is a necessary one. Even when visits are emotionally upsetting for all concerned, the visits seem to have a long term beneficial effect on the child. (Ibid 17.)
Parental visitation is to be emphasized when dealing with a child in foster care placement.
According to the author, the parents should be informed verbally and in writing of their responsibility to visits. Visiting should be viewed as a basic parental responsibility. It is es-pecially important for the worker, the agency, and the foster parents to reach out to the parents at the very beginning of the placement. Unless a pattern of regular visiting is es-tablished early in the placement, it is unlikely that such a pattern can be eses-tablished later (Ibid 26.)
Some parents are highly motivated to visit and continue a relationship with their child in foster care. On the other extreme are those parents who are unlikely to visit under any circumstances. The group of parents between these two extremes should be of greatest concern to the social worker. These parents are often ambivalent about visiting. It is irreg-ular and unpredictable because their day-to-day lives are pushed and pulled by circum-stances and personal problems. By working to improve visiting barriers and by reinforcing
their involvement with their child, it is possible to increase the contact between the par-ents and the child (Ibid 27.)
Agencies, workers, and foster parents should monitor parental visiting. Every effort should be made to keep track of whether or not the parents are visiting their child in foster care.
This data should even be recorded in a log. Fanshel & Shinn (1978, 111) also stated that parental failure to visit their children and cannot long be tolerated unless the parent is physically or mentally incapacitated. The question of termination of parental rights natu-rally arises when a parent drops out of a child's life. Agencies should be held accountable for efforts made to involve the parent in more responsible visitation. Agencies and work-ers must respond immediately to infrequent visiting or a lapse in visiting. Parry (1975, 3) suggested that 'extremely infrequent visiting or no visiting by the parent or guardian should trigger an appropriate response... Whatever the reason, it is critically important that our reaction to this parental 'giving up' is not 'giving up' ourselves, but aggressive reaching out. Only in that way can we impress upon parents how very important their vis-its with their children are. (Ibid 27.)
Sometimes the parents need to be taught how to have a meaningful visit with their child.
If previous visits have been disruptive, or if there is reason to believe that a visit will be disturbing to the parents or the child, a worker will need to instruct the parents on how to conduct the visit and handle associated stress and emotions. Various forms of role play and behavioral rehearsal techniques are especially useful in preparing the parents for a visit (Ibid 28.)